Updated: Oct 12, 2020
Jump to Chapter
“Well, well, well,” said the detective. “It seems you lot have managed to cock up quite a bit in such a short amount of time.”
He was a tall man with dark hair, a wide frame, and a black goatee. He wore a three-piece pinstripe suit fitting the period of Bedside Manor, complete with a lilac bow-tie and matching pocket square. He stood in front of the fireplace as he spoke, one hand on his hip, the other clutching a pocket watch, which he inspected briefly before continuing, “Shall we try this again?”
The rest of us had formed a semi circle around him. Tobias and Loren refused to sit. Nathaniel smiled from his regular spot in the armchair. I sat on a loveseat. Jerry was relaxing on the arm of said loveseat. I didn’t really get a good look at where the others were, but the detective had us all together as his captive audience.
I mean that quite literally. We were captives here.
This group meeting was hardly a voluntary event. No, we fought it tooth and nail every step of the way. When we first saw the detective, when we saw his clothing and realized that he wasn’t a real police detective, when it clicked that this man was just a further extension of the game, we collectively lost our tenuous composure.
Jerry threw a chair. The detective knocked out both of his front teeth. Loren tried stabbing him. She had a busted lip and swollen eye to show for it. Tobias fired the last bullet remaining in his gun, but the detective still broke both of his trigger fingers. I’m not going to even pretend I tried anything valiant. The moment I saw him take a bullet without reacting, I decided not to waste the energy.
The detective pocketed his watch, smiled sinisterly, and said, “As you have no doubt gathered, the mystery of Bedside Manor spans further than any of you anticipated. But I’d like to simplify things. Here is what I propose: Solve the mystery, and you will be free to go.”
Loren scoffed, “Here’s a counterproposal. How about you go fuck yourself?”
Jerry spat another mouthful of blood onto the puddle on the floor and said, “Actually, fucking is a lot of fun. This guy doesn’t deserve it. Counter-counter-proposal. How about you go shit yourself?” Unlike his smile, Jerry’s perennial good spirits were still intact (even though his pronunciation made it sound like he was trying to say, “Tucking is a lot o’ tun. This guy doesn’t deserb it!” But we all knew what he meant.)
I held up my hand and said, “I second that proposal.”
Loren chimed in, “Thirded.”
“It’s oddicial. Sir. Go shit yourselp!”
A gunshot wound did nothing to hurt the man, but he wasn’t completely invulnerable. He could hide it behind a fake smile, but we all knew he was furious.
“I feel confident that this group will find its motivation in time. But until then, allow me to offer a few hints: There is no reason to venture outside the compound. Every action will have consequences. If you miss a clue, you will have a chance to--”
“Ah tuck all dis shit!” Jerry exclaimed, jumping to his feet and charging into the parlor.
“I wasn’t finished!” the detective yelled after him.
Jerry returned almost immediately, a bottle in one hand and a glass in the other. Given the circumstances, I don’t think any of us would blame him for getting his drink on, even if that was a truly counterproductive measure to take. Jerry spat out another mouthful of blood, took a pull directly from the bottle, and winced in pain. The detective snickered and continued, “As I was saying, you will need to hear every clue in order to--”
“Higher than eighty!” Jerry howled, filling the cup to its brim.
The detective snarled, “If you don’t stop interrupting me, I’ll have to put you in time-out.”
Tobias turned and gave Jerry a wink. I didn’t know what was about to happen, but I braced myself.
“What--pray tell--does ‘higher than eighty’ even mean?” the detective asked. Jerry walked up to him and splashed the contents of the drink in his face.
Jerry spat blood again and said, “Anything higher than eighty proop is plammable.”
As he spoke, Tobias dove for the fireplace, grabbed a burning log, pulled it out, and smashed it across the detective’s head. He instantly went up in flames. Jerry lugged the remaining alcohol at the ground. The bottle shattered, and the contents erupted in a tiny fireball. The detective’s skin bubbled and burned as he stepped forward and grabbed Jerry by the throat. I jumped up and charged as fast as I could, but the burning man was too fast. His free hand grabbed me by the shoulder and squeezed with machine strength, tight enough to dig his fingers through the cloth and skin, through the muscle and tendon, only stopping when it hit bone. I couldn’t even scream before he pulled me into the air and flung me like a ragdoll against the wall.
“Fuck!” I shouted, grabbing my shoulder. It didn’t hurt anymore, but the pain from the memory hadn’t yet faded.
Everyone was screaming, yelling over one another from their spots around the dinner table.
“What just happened?” I asked.
“Dude!” Jerry grabbed me into a bear hug. “I thought you were dead! Oh shit, my teeth are back too! I can finally say ‘fuck’ again! Double win!”
Eventually, the chaos settled down, and we were able to take turns explaining how we all died. Evidently, I was the first to go this time around. The detective killed Jerry and Tobias fairly soon after. Wolfgang and his mother made a run for it, but a pack of “eight-legged squirrels” tore them to shreds before they could reach the end of the driveway. Loren, Claire, and Bridget made an honest attempt to solve the mystery, but Jerry’s fire got so out of control that half the manor burned down before the rain could put it out. They sought shelter in the kitchen, but then the doors locked behind them and the room began to fill with water. Nathaniel instructed them to solve a puzzle before time ran out. The three of them drowned about an hour later. (Honestly, it seems like I got off pretty easy.)
The sound of a loud chime echoed through the house.
“The hell was that?” Jerry asked.
Nathaniel answered with a smile, “Ah, goodie! It seems that the detective has finally arrived. Perhaps he can help us sort out this ghastly affair.”
We didn’t attack the detective this time. We didn’t need to. Because this time, we didn’t even open the door. Tobias and Jerry muscled a barricade of furniture against the entrance, then we tied up Nathaniel, rolled him into a rug burrito, and shoved him into the parlor. It was probably unnecessary, but we turned off the lights behind us for good measure.
Next, we all gathered together in the dining room to take stock of our situation.
“Where are we on weapons?” Tobias asked as he pulled out his gun and removed the magazine. “And why am I out of bullets?”
I threw Wolfgang a dirty look, but decided it wasn’t the time or place for this particular battle. “We used them earlier,” I answered.
“So ammo is expendable? That’s inconsistent.”
Loren pulled out the blade hidden beneath her glove. “This is back, but I think we’ve already established it does fuck-all against these guys.”
“Tobias,” Bridget grabbed her husband by the arm and pulled him to face her. “What are these things? Tell us what we’re up against.” The way she asked made me think she expected him to know the answer.
He didn’t say anything. He was still hiding something. Perhaps even something important, but before I could call him out, Claire let out a painful scream and fell to the ground. Loren dropped down next to her, trying to figure out what was wrong. Everyone was talking now. Everyone was distracted. Everyone except for me. Because I could feel what she was feeling. I already knew what she knew. I recognized this buzzing energy in my stomach. Someone was about to die.
I looked at Wolfgang just in time to see him plunge the kitchen knife into his mother’s throat.
She fell in stages. First, putting both hands on the table. The reality hadn’t quite sunk in for her yet. She tried to speak. Blood poured from the wound. Her face turned ghost-white. And then, her legs gave way. I reached her side just in time to catch her. I went to my knees and held her head in my lap. She looked up at me with fear in her eyes. The hilt of the knife moved in tune with her weakening pulse as torrents of blood erupted down the front of her dress.
Wolfgang had already escaped from the room. Hope grabbed my arm and tried to form words but choked on her own blood. She didn’t have long left.
Before I knew it, Bridget was next to me, pushing the fabric of her own dress against the wound in a futile attempt to stop the bleeding. Hope recoiled in pain and dug her nails into my arm. She was crying. Not just from the physical pain. But for the emotional torment. The humiliation. The worst fear realized. Whatever Claire had done to me, it was in overdrive now. My mind was wide open, and Hope’s wouldn’t stop screaming into it.
She tried so hard to be a good mother. She wrestled with this demon for years. She built a wall around the truth, because that was the only way she could survive. Her perfect Wolfgang, her precious angel, was sick. And it wasn’t his fault. There was nothing she could do to make him better, so she did the next best thing. She protected him. She hid the evidence. The graphic drawings. The animal bodies. The truth. What other choice was there?
She didn’t truly understand what “choice” was until this moment, where all choice was truly taken away. It was almost a relief. There was a kindness in failure. Death was a mercy. Now she didn’t have to pretend. She’d done her best. And finally, she was allowed to rest.
“She’s suffering,” Loren said to us. “Why don’t we just… you know? I mean, it’s not like it matter