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12/24/18 Newsletter

Hey everyone. Hope you're all having a fantastic Winter-themed holiday season. I, for one, am at work right now, immensely enjoying the relative peacefulness.

I've started a new tradition with the other employees that I'm calling "Christmas Eve confused customer Bingo." (The middle space on the cards is always "Are you guys open?")

Some of the other spots are:

"Do you sell nutmeg or cinnamon?" (No, but the eggnog and fireball comes premixed so you don't have to worry.)

Do you guys sell ham/turkey? (If we did you definitely wouldn't want to buy it.)

Is there another open gas station we can go to? (Sorry, but we're the only game in town. Mwuhahaha!)

Do you have any first aid or burn kits? (We sold out this morning. Swallow your pride and go wait in line at the E.R. like everybody else.)

Are you guys hiring? (As a matter of fact, yes.)

Any time an employee gets a bingo, they're allowed to pick out one bottle of alcohol or twelve gnomes of their choice. It's a good way to keep spirits up around this time of year.

Anyway, enough of my workplace holiday drama. I feel like I need to take a quick moment to wish our third-longest termed employee a happy anniversary. SO....


It's been a crazy year for sure. Let's just ignore that short period where I fired you and then all that other stuff happened and all those people died (so happy we can laugh about it now, right? Hahahahahaha.......).

I would have included a photo, but in accordance with Rosa's wishes, I will refrain from posting her personal images online where "all your creepy weirdo fans can see what I look like and I'm not even wearing makeup right now." (I think she's still weirded out about that time a guy got dressed up like death and tried to kidnap me.)

Okay, with that out of the way, let's move on to:

What the Hell is Jack Doing?

(You know, this title is starting to grow on me.)

The second and third "Tales from the Gas Station" books are coming along well. I can't wait to unleash them upon the world.

Mr. Creepy Pasta is still working on recording vocals for the audio book version of "Tales from the Gas Station: Volume One." We don't have a hard release date for this yet, but we've decided that our listeners deserve the best possible version of the recording, and we don't want to rush anything.

Besides that, things have been rather slow. Been working a ton at my day job. Got some new employees that we're trying to get trained...

Am I forgetting something?

Oh yeah, (Part 12) to the "How did we get here?" arc...

So here's the thing... There is obviously more to my story. But officially, "Part 11" is a finale. The next story-centric post I make won't be part 12. It will be part 1 of a whole new arc. I'm sorry to those of you eagerly awaiting an update.

Now on to:


So when the Benjamin mimics were still popping up, did they give you a new gun each time, or did they somehow recycle the guns they already gave you? - Stephen Mckeighen

New gun each time. Much like the cell phones and wallets of old Kieffer, each mimic came prepackaged with its own gear. Which begs the question: Did the ones in charge have to keep purchasing new guns and phones and stuff every time they made a new clone? Or did they expect to lose a few and buy them wholesale from Costco or something?

We may never know.

When you release volume 2, will you do signed copies again? Also I noticed that rick roll in the link on that period you sneaky motherfucker. - Optimistic Avacado

Hi Ava! Yes, I plan on doing another round of signed copies for Volume 2. And I have no idea what you're referring to. What's a rick roll?

Do you have a release date for the next update to tales from the gas station? I feel like there’s something missing from the ending that im looking foreword to hearing. - Block Blockleton

Sadly, no. I don't know exactly when the next post will be. But it won't be an update, it will be the start of a new story arc. But as usual, I'll post here before posting to NoSleep or anywhere else.

When can we expect the audio book?? - Darko

We're still in the recording process. MCP and I are both being perfectionists. But as soon as it's ready, we'll make an announcement.

If you need to clean blood and it's fresh, I've found that hydrogen peroxide works miracles... - bluetraparmy

How fresh is "fresh?"

For some reason I feel like "Your Biggest Fan" is her. I'm just spit balling over here. Also, after reading your book, I realized that the "Answer Now" call O'Brien got felt eerily familiar (or maybe I'm just remembering things wrong). - eimineliana

How interesting...

can Jerry help Jack rebuild the radio by giving him instructions? - perez.maryjoy

The real question is, do we want to rebuild the Russian radio?

how did rosa & O'Brien left Jack? cause I'm sure they care about him that they won't just walk out on him - perez.maryjoy

It's totally understandable, and there's nothing wrong with distancing yourself from someone when your own well-being is at stake. I know it seems, given the information, that O'Brien and Rosa might have abandoned me and the gas station, but there was a lot going on, and there was a lot more to the story.

I look forward to filling in the blanks eventually.

Is there really something special about the shitty gas station worthy of protecting? - perez.maryjoy

We're the only place in town open on Christmas Eve.

are you going to collab this with the Finding Vanessa stories? - perez.maryjoy

We already have, to an extent. But as of right now, Burrowing Bird is posting updates on their channel, and I trust that the story will be awesome.

I’ve figured it out , I know the truth jack I know you’re really cole and all the stuff at the gas station is really just “the events that caused me to live out here" - julianjr1230

Haha, sorry to finally end the speculation, but no.

I must admit, it's true that my property is not normal. But as far as I can tell, I am not (and have never been) Cole. It seems he and I are just from two different, yet similar, weird small towns.

Which makes me wonder... how many other small towns like ours are out there?


That's all for now. If you've got any questions you'd like for me to pretend to answer, please leave them in the comments below. Until next time.

Merry Christmas from all of us here at the Gas Station.


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14 комментариев

Victoria Karra
Victoria Karra
16 янв. 2019 г.

Happy birthday Rosa!!!!!


Erock Snips
Erock Snips
14 янв. 2019 г.

Glad to see you and Rosa have made up, ya know, as much as you can make up after shooting someone in the face point blank in front of them in seemingly cold blood. (Definitely didn't read that leaked police report by the way... but nice work.) My question though is, are you, or can you even be sure that the gnomes/cowboy can't/haven't been snatched? You might be surrounded by alien monsters and not even know, be careful brother.


07 янв. 2019 г.

Heya Jack! I was just wondering if you had any new years resolutions for 2019, and if you did then what where they?


Happy New year Jack :D


By chance, was the guy who tried to kidnap you while dressed as death your biggest fan?

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