12/24/18 Newsletter

Hey everyone. Hope you're all having a fantastic Winter-themed holiday season. I, for one, am at work right now, immensely enjoying the relative peacefulness.

I've started a new tradition with the other employees that I'm calling "Christmas Eve confused customer Bingo." (The middle space on the cards is always "Are you guys open?")

Some of the other spots are:

"Do you sell nutmeg or cinnamon?" (No, but the eggnog and fireball comes premixed so you don't have to worry.)

Do you guys sell ham/turkey? (If we did you definitely wouldn't want to buy it.)

Is there another open gas station we can go to? (Sorry, but we're the only game in town. Mwuhahaha!)

Do you have any first aid or burn kits? (We sold out this morning. Swallow your pride and go wait in line at the E.R. like everybody else.)

Are you guys hiring? (As a matter of fact, yes.)

Any time an employee gets a bingo, they're allowed to pick out one bottle of alcohol or twelve gnomes of their choice. It's a good way to keep spirits up around this time of year.

Anyway, enough of my workplace holiday drama. I feel like I need to take a quick moment to wish our third-longest termed employee a happy anniversary. SO....


It's been a crazy year for sure. Let's just ignore that short period where I fired you and then all that other stuff happened and all those people died (so happy we can laugh about it now, right? Hahahahahaha.......).

I would have included a photo, but in accordance with Rosa's wishes, I will refrain from posting her personal images online where "all your creepy weirdo fans can see what I look like and I'm not even wearing makeup right now." (I think she's still weirded out about that time a guy got dressed up like death and tried to kidnap me.)

Okay, with that out of the way, let's move on to:

What the Hell is Jack Doing?

(You know, this title is starting to grow on me.)

The second and third "Tales from the Gas Station" books are coming along well. I can't wait to unleash them upon the world.

Mr. Creepy Pasta is still working on recording vocals for the audio book version of "Tales from the Gas Station: Volume One." We don't have a hard release date for this yet, but we've decided that our listeners deserve the best possible version of the recording, and we don't want to rush anything.

Besides that, things have been rather slow. Been working a ton at my day job. Got some new employees that we're trying to get trained...

Am I forgetting something?

Oh yeah, (Part 12) to the "How did we get here?" arc...

So here's the thing... There is obviously more to my story. But officially, "Part 11" is a finale. The next story-centric post I make won't be part 12. It will be part 1 of a whole new arc. I'm sorry to those of you eagerly awaiting an update.

Now on to:


So when the Benjamin mimics were still popping up, did they give you a new gun each time, or did they somehow recycle the guns they already gave you? - Stephen Mckeighen

New gun each time. Much like the cell phones and wallets of old Kieffer, each mimic came prepackaged with its own gear. Which begs the question: Did the ones in charge have to keep purchasing new guns and phones and stuff every time they made a new clone? Or did they expect to lose a few and buy them wholesale from Costco or something?